Lessons from a Former Bad Manager
Early in my career, I found myself thrusted into management without the personal maturity to handle the role. As a result, I was a bad manager and I actually apologized years later to one of the first people I managed because I wanted them to know that my bad behavior had been a result of my having been insecure, unprepared, and, frankly, afraid. Do I still make mistakes in management? Of course. However, I am always reflecting, seeking to do better, advocating for the people that work with me and investing in their professional development. At this stage in my career, I really want people “to win.” In that spirit, below are three things that I wish someone had told me before I started in management:
1. It is OK not to be excellent at everything – One of the first employees I hired was young but she possessed superior skills; however, when accolades started coming in for her, instead of being happy I found myself jealous and upset, which wasted energy and time. Real managers know that when their team excels, they excel, and real managers are not threatened by talent—they cultivate it, seek it out, and are excited when they hire it. Nowadays, I am surrounded by people who are exceptional, and I am a better leader because of it.
2. It’s OK to take a break - When you are a manager, even if you yourself work odd hours, these are not behaviors you should reinforce or honor within your employees. When you praise hard work as always working, you are managing someone to future burnout. I can easily say that during the peak of my workaholic time, I was physically heavier, ate out all the time including too many McDonald’s French fries, and didn’t sleep well . My claim to fame was that my work was always done. However, as I’ve matured, I require more sleep, workout six days a week, am physically lighter, and eat mindfully (which somehow still includes McDonald’s fries). But, guess what? My work still gets done. Balance is critical for long-term success and good managers understand that.
3. It’s OK to manage someone out of a role - I used to think that if I hired someone it was a blood oath and there was no way I could fire them or manage them out of the role. Instead, I would forgive their shortcomings or, worse, do their work for them because I was afraid to be a good manager and allow them the space to leave and be successful elsewhere. Good managers know that not every person you hire will be a good fit in the long run and, ultimately, avoiding confrontation sets up a superficial environment in which there is no accountability. Good managers train their employees, put them on a plan when there are performance gaps, and, if someone needs to be fired, it is done in a manner that retains their dignity.
The work of management is never-ending. I am still learning from my mistakes but strive to provide feedback as a gift for growth. Most importantly, when I feel insecure, I no longer let that play out in the work environment; rather, I attempt the hard job of deeply evaluating myself. When necessary, I extend grace to myself, authentically apologize, and try to learn from every person I have managed. I want to continue to get better because, ultimately, I believe employees want to believe in their manager and, as I grow, I want to be that person.
