Doubt Always Loses
A few weeks ago, a fellow industry colleague shared her fears about how uncertain our financial future is. She asked me, “How are you so calm?” and, “How do you stay happy and sane?” I shared with her what I believe is a very simple truth even in the midst of COVID. Simply stated, I believe that “doubt always loses.” But that statement is easier to read than to actually live out in your everyday life. Below are my experiences of how doubt helped me to grow.
1,Love lesson - Like many people I have fallen in love more than once. One of the hardest heartaches I endured was from a long-term relationship with a person I was convinced I was going to marry; imagine my surprise when almost a decade in we parted ways on my birthday. I was devastated and decided then that relationships were not for me. To further prove my negative narrative, I pursued casual relationships I knew were bad for me. I put all my energy into this negative narrative instead of doing the work to evaluate the root of my self-doubt. In a game of mental warfare I was letting doubt win. Once I clarified my self-worth, I found myself in a rewarding relationship—one that is still thriving today.
2. Professional lesson - I was on an extremely ambitious career track, and then guess what? Unexpectedly, I parted ways with a job that externally seemed very impressive. To be honest, for a brief moment, I was unhinged because I believed that my worth was connected to my job, title, and income level. In reality, I was not a very nice person while in that job; I was extremely lonely, didn’t sleep well at night, and was always fatigued. During that time, doubt told me that those things were the price for success and that genuine happiness was a luxury. Well, doubt was wrong; and, more importantly, doubt was asking me to live a life that was authentically not mine. Leaving that job was the best thing that I could have done because it ignited in me new professional interests and, better still, people who were not adding value did me a favor and removed themselves from my life, Was this easy? No, but along the way I found genuine happiness and now I sleep wonderfully at night.
So, what is doubt telling you during COVID? For me, doubt has told me that maybe I have reached the pinnacle of professional success, I can no longer reach my financial goals, or that I waited too long to experience international travel again. What keeps me from breaking down is reflecting on my stories of when doubt led me down the wrong path. Recently, I have begun to view doubt as a teacher. We can manage doubt by evaluating our experiences with doubt as a guidepost.
I believe that by confronting our doubts, we confront why we don’t like ourselves, why we make decisions based on material or external influences, or why we do things that we know make us happy. In life, you can’t outrun doubt so better to address it head on. The gift is that when doubt leaves you, you become reintroduced to your authentic self. Don’t believe me? Complete this one exercise: Write down an experience when you thought something was over and look at where you are now. Did doubt win? Did you gain something from the experience even if it was hard? I already know the answer.
My advice. Hold on to your memories as a reminder that post-COVID may not be easy but growth is always worth the struggle.
