Pandemic Bride Chronicles Part One: Engagement Your Way
Early in my life I was that girl with the infamous life plan notebook. In this notebook, my entire life was perfectly detailed. Graduate with honors by 21, marry my Morris Chestnut or Leon look-alike by 30, and have my first of three children by 35. When I reached 21, I considered myself well on my way because I graduated with honors from Howard University and was headed to an Ivy league graduate education. But, then, 30 hit and I was single; at 35, I was in a relationship that, looking back, I knew wasn’t right but in my desperation I held on to it. In my late 30s, I came to terms with the fact that three children would not be possible in traditional ways due to my infertility; and, then, finally, at 40, I threw out my notebook, thought time to shift my mindset on the perfect life, and began living the life that was unfolding before my eyes. What can I say? I am stubborn, and it took me a long time to actively participate in living my life.
Years later I would meet the love of my life (at a bar!) and now I am engaged. I can say with full confidence that my engagement was worth the wait. Now I see that for every wedding I went to where I had no date and spent far too much time at the open bar, was a member of a wedding party or the perfect attendee at baby showers, prepared me for this moment (even despite the pandemic). This collection of essays has one overarching message: You deserve to fully be a bride no matter your age. But before we get to how being a pandemic bride has influenced my event planning skills, let us first discuss my engagement.
To the world, I formally announced my engagement after being engaged for two months. As a couple we decided to delay our announcement for personal and global reasons.
The reality is that if I had gotten married when I was younger, my partner would have asked for my Dad’s hand in marriage. Yet, at this stage, my partner’s parents are deceased, my father has dementia, and even though neither of us has previously been married, our views on asking for my hand in marriage shifted as we matured. Instead, we discussed for a few months what being married meant to us and agreed that it was important for my parents to hear privately about the engagement before the entire world was informed. Due to COVID and my parents’ health struggles, this took more time than we anticipated. But, to see a twinkle in my Dad’s eye—I believe he has some understanding of what is going on—and my mother’s smile was worth the social media delay.
Including my parents was the initial driver behind wanting to delay our engagement announcement but then we took on a more global perspective; the U.S. Capitol sits near enough to our home that we witnessed firsthand the insurrection and wondered, Can we safely announce our engagement as a multi/bi-cultural couple and Are we setting ourselves up to be victims of online bullying or threats? Simply put, we were afraid and became increasingly aware that, sadly, we live in a society that will always judge us, have an opinion of who we should marry, and what color they should be. In many ways, my partner and I saw hope in Madame Vice President and the Second Gentleman as they demonstrate unconditional love and unwavering support for each other despite what the national climate suggests. We decided that it was not our responsibility to live the rest of our lives small. At this season in our life, as we prepare to make our most significant commitment, we want to scream to the world, Love wins, regardless of race, age, culture, gender, or class.
So, my first getting-married-in-a-pandemic tip is amazingly simple: “Do it your way…”
p.s. Don’t forget to follow along with our journey via IG @belajoyful.
